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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in Twitchfic's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 2nd, 2011
8:55 pm
Crap Fic Theater Presents: Neo Armageddon Evangelist & Issei Meets the Sailir Scout Girls audiobooks
(To the moderators: If this post violates any community rules, please let me know and I will delete it ASAP.)

We at Pamachu Productions would like to welcome each of you to Crap Fic Theater.  We are dedicated to crafting first-rate audiobook productions of some of the -- ahem! -- more infamous works of anime fanfiction produced on the internet.  Of course, the expansive network of terrible fanfiction curdling in every corner of the internet is far too intimidating for one person to handle; for this reason, I hope to focus my attention on the flabbergasting and exasperating, the bad and the goddamn beautiful, the most dreadful of the dreadful.  In other words, we're going to create audiobooks of those precious few fanfics that have attained some "cult status" as the cherries atop the proverbial shit-sundae.  Think of us as the Criterion Collection of garbage anime fanfiction.  The audio technicians and dramatists at Pamachu Productions promise to deliver (at an irregular schedule... hey, until this starts paying bills, that is!) two fists full of furious fanfic entertainment; we are your tour guides through a rich, borderline traumatic history of garbage fanfiction.  (Inspiration for this program comes directly from Heavens Feel Press, who made some first rate audiobooks of Issei Mataloun's fanfiction.)
Our first audiobook production is NEO ARMAGEDDON EVANGELIST, an Evangelion dark-fic written by self-professed redheaded dominatrix (no, really) named Sara Anne Grantham.  Imagine twenty pages of a red-eyed biker chick smacking the shit out of an obese sociopathic hippie and you have a good idea of the sort of insanity that awaits.  Meet Sublime: the sharp-shootin' Mary Sue in question who spends the entire fanfic blasting people in the face while spouting off impossibly tangled pseudo-philosophical nonsense.  Also meet Washington: an obese hillbilly rapist assassin (no, really) who murders and molests all of Evangelion's canon characters.  Well, except for (the strangely heterosexualized) Kaoru and Gendo, who dramatically proves once and for all that size does not matter. You might also enjoy the melodramatic eviscerations of the entire core cast of Evangelion and the hilariously florid descriptions of sexual trauma.  Not for the faint of heart or easily offended (especially if you're a fan of Fuyutsuki).
Click here to listen to our audiobook recording of NEO ARMAGEDDON EVANGELIST.

Our second audiobook production is ISSEI MEETS THE SAILIR SCOUT GIRLS, an incoherent Sailor Moon fanfic from the infamous Issei Mataloun.  This self-insertion fanfic features the same sort of gonzo theatrics and head-scratching lunacy that made his Hellstorm Evangelion series such a knee-slapping delight (minus the homoeroticism).  Tangled and incoherent prose punctuates even the most rudimentary of scenes (I dare you to parse out the meaning of "falem of light"), and Issei mischaracterizes the entire Sailor Moon cast as a gaggle of hyper-ventilating, sex-starved idiots who periodically burst into geysers of blood and gore (you may shed a tear as Usagi mourns the death of her beloved Mamoru by exclaiming, "And I didn't get to fuck him!  WAAAAAH!").  Issei goes hog-wild with the deus ex machinas as characters are killed and resurrected ad infinitum, and he also seems to take an inordinate amount of pleasure writing superlative character introductions ("Who you?"  "Issei!  Isseim [sic] Mataloun!").  It all concludes with one of the most anti-climactic shoot-outs in fanfic history (this is what passes for comedy in the Isseiverse) and a climactic celebration where "everyone was JAMMING."  But seriously.  It's an Issei Mataloun fanfic.  What do you expect? 

Click here to listen to our audiobook recording of ISSEI MEETS THE SAILIR [sic] SCOUT GIRLS.
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
4:43 am
First Post; This fic made me gag, literally
This is this author's greatest work, which he brags about. He says he worked hard on it and that it is a comedy parodying yaoi, which he claims to hate and also writes. (I recognize three or four parts of fragments of sentences from other Psychonauts fanfiction. One assumes this is what was meant by parody, though he could've just as easily been drunk at the keyboard.)

He also once made the comment that writing is a reflection of the soul.

Here's part of it. Tell me what kind of soul this man posesses.

I would've given you guys a paragraph, but the whole thing was one...Collapse )

Here's the link if you wish to read on. I suggest you get some 'special' brownies and a lot of sugar and caffeine, so that then at least this will be funny. But even under all those influences, this is... special.

Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
11:53 am
WTF? Fanfiction
Staff - please delete this if it is too off-topic.

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
6:22 am
Hi! New to the comm. Usual lurker, sporker of Shaman King Mary Sues (as evident by the icon). While I was looking for a new victim, I came across this little doozie.

I'm disturbed. It's a Suefic. And it's set in MY HOMETOWN!

Given that the Philippines is an unusual place to set a crossover (between Shaman King and Danny Phantom nontheless) and I'll give her points for that but...

*starts to cry, suddenly breaks into song*
Hoooy~ Pinoy akooo~

Current Mood: distressed
Sunday, December 11th, 2005
12:00 am
Gorillaz Meet Yami no Matsuei by Appl3P13 reviews
2D and Noodle were both ran over. They end up in the afterlife. Armed
with Fuda scrolls they seek out to solve the mysteries the other parts
of the Minstry throw at them.
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 454 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-25-05 - Published: 11-25-05

Head? Meet desk.

Current Mood: weird
Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
4:35 pm
Thursday, June 16th, 2005
7:12 pm
Ah, inane summaries. I missed them so little.
You heard the anarchist, folks: Inane Summary Time! Number one - a lesson in stupid...

"The Balance Unhinged by Sim Master
The thrilling saga continues! Our heroes finally begin their road trip to the Thief convention in Las Vegas! Chapter 8 is up! Please RR!"

*twitches* Las Vegas... conventions... thrilling saga... death to it.

Next, a noob. Enn zero zero bee.

"Thief: Inescapable Past by Duran
My first fanfic, actually my first short story just for fun. Curious as to what everyone thinks about the plot, not so much on grammar. Shall I keep writing it?"


Rrrrgh. I'm coming, ff.net, to KILL YOU ALL.
Monday, June 13th, 2005
4:54 pm
I'm'a give myself a hernia one of these days
Whoo boy. Jester here, back with more crap just as promised. As you probably gathered, I'm a Thief player... and if there's one thing I hate, it's you, fanboys, giving my favourite character POETRY to speak.

Yes, fanboys, poetry is not cool. Especially not when it's as bad as this little stinker, and I quote: (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/776423/1/, "Lucrative Vocation")

"Beware! For I am the doom
That lurks in your haven’s gloom.
And yes, my smite does bite
In every right!

Liege help me. For one thing, why do you idiots always sacrifice meaning to rhyme? Not all poetry has to rhyme, get it through your thick skulls before I bash them together! Second, rhythm is important if you're trying to write standard regular verse.

Third, "There’s Jack the Black that deals blunting blows"?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!

*clears throat* I pronounce Thief poetry one truly dead, stinking pile of cow shit. Thankyou, ladies, I'll return with yet more of this dross later!

Current Mood: you killed Garrett
Friday, June 10th, 2005
3:29 pm
You made Garrett cry. Are you happy, fangirl?
Having seen that there's not been many updates here, I decided to bring you a little extra... =] So, here's some nasties for you, courtesy of the Jester, masochist-at-arms.
First up, an entree: it begins with the two most ridiculous words you ever heard. Yes, ladies and gentlemen of Twitchfic and Braintrauma, I bring you...
Tetris angstfic.
Go see here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2136013/1/
What scared me most is that she actually is serious. Tetris is PEOPLE!!! Liege help me.

And now, something for the main course that really gets on my tits. I was looking for a little masochism today, and so I decided to take a dip into the Thief section of our beloved Pit. Now, it's not a big section, but I've never seen a story here that isn't a Suefic. But this little gem? Hooboy, this is beyond even the Sues' pain-inducement abilities.
This one (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2388998/1/) has got a few screws loose, methinks. Not only is it a Suefic, oh no! that's not enough for this chickie. No, she's refrained from creating a fictional character to interact with her fictional love-object in a fictional world, and instead gone for the Therapist's Delight; she's convinced herself Garrett is real. Yup, Garrett, master thief and selfish bastard (and I might add, not the bishounen she seems to think he is), is apparently this girlie's guardian angel. You heard me folks.
She spends most of this bizarre little vignette explaining her childhood traumas, which I, being an equally selfish bastard, took absolutely no notice of, and then giving herself the ultimate solution to this problem: hugs and kisses from someone who most likely has never hugged anyone he wasn't pickpocketing. Yep, Garrett, using dreams and ueber-mysterious clues, apparently saved this kiddie from suicide, mental torment... he even gave her his cloak (which she claims to really have, as well as a note from him saying "Hope") to keep her warm. Bless. Time to bust-a-prescription, I reckons.
There's just one problem with this. "he was a video game character, how could I feel something that was not real? But, something in my mind told me not to answer that question quite yet." Kiddie says it herself, he ain't real. She never does answer the question of how any of this shit is even possible...

Welp, that's all... though I'm gonna take it back about them all being Sues. I found two half decent fics there too. Nice, though it doesn't make up for the suck of the rest. Back soon with more crap,

- Jester

Current Mood: bizarre'd
Friday, April 15th, 2005
5:23 pm
...words cannot describe the AGONY I FEEL. My eyes...they buuuurn.

Fulfilling wishes after Death
A crossovermerger with the animemanga X1999. Reincarnation can truly happens so what would happen if the Onmyouji was reborn as a savior to the wizarding world and if Harry's subaru then where are the other Dragons? Will Contain Shounen-ai.

Read more...Collapse )


Current Mood: WTFWTFWTF
Saturday, February 19th, 2005
3:43 pm
Badfic, anyone?
1 serving of OoCness... Well, maybe two.

*closes eyes and peeks* Self-insert. Bad summary. What else can I say?

...oh yes. Script language within author's notes.

And a Gaiden versus the main characters match in TENNIS?

Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
11:33 pm
Hello, New Joiner here. *feels corny* Anywho, enough of that. I found this fic, by most unfortunate circumstance and was reduced to far more than twitching.

I think I coughed up some bile, but be brave, Try It On For SizeCollapse )

Current Mood: nauseated
Sunday, December 26th, 2004
1:13 am
Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
8:53 am
It burrnnnsssssCollapse )

Current Mood: frustrated
Friday, August 6th, 2004
5:22 pm
WTF did you do to Piccolo!

This author turned Piccolo into a girl and now Gohan is in love with "her". *dies*

Current Mood: giggly
Sunday, June 27th, 2004
7:14 pm
By all that is Holy and good, this is the worst cross over ever.
This little 'gem' is too horrid to keep under wraps at the Star Fox section of the Pit. The first four chapters are mindless crap with the author failing miserably trying to be funny and handing out cast parts to various characters from games.

There was also an amusing flame war going on between an annonymous flamer and the author and a few other reviewers.

Being an avid Star Fox and Lord of the Rings fan, I was appaulled to see this trash marring my fandoms. But what can I expect at the Pit? *sigh*

Here are a few of the worst parts, though it was difficult to decide because it was ALL crap.

Stupidity begins.Collapse )

The Flame, and the Author's Obligatory ReplyCollapse )

Chapter 6 finally starts the movie. Here starts my true insanity.Collapse )

Mass stupidity and pointlessness. Is this even a parody anymore?Collapse )

I guess the only leeway I can give is that this is filed under Parody/Humor. At least it has a correct lable. I was tempted to report TOS violation for chatroom-type formatting and the fact that the first four chapters are BS.
*sigh* Where have all the good parodies gone?

Current Mood: angry
Sunday, April 18th, 2004
3:28 pm
It's an original pairing, I'll give it that. However, that doesn't always make it good.

Shota, instant rape-to-romance, plus Nakago in leather pants and Chiriko in a THONG?!

*Gilbert Gotfried from I Love the 80s Strikes Back* Hey, "Saotome Onna-Ranma"...WHAT THE FUCK?!

Current Mood: O_o
Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
11:28 pm
*makes Cheat-noise* *EXPLODE*
Dude, this kinda stuff in relation to Homestar Runner DOES NOT COMPUTE! (Note: You gotta be logged in/part of the comm to view this...so do what I did. Join, stare at the weirdness, then quit. =P)

On one hand, it's interesting that the author was able to come up with some in-depth stuff about Strong Bad and Strong Sad's brotherly relations and all.

On the other hand, STRONG BAD DOES NOT CRY. Not unless he was just outsmarted by Homestar or someone else he considers inferior to him. Or unless he just lost a bunch of money or his computer deleted an email from two hot chicks. And it's not angsty, insecure crying, it's "NOOOOO! COME BACK ALI! COME BACK ALI'S SISTER!/I WAS OUTSMARTED BY HOMESTAR! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!" type screaming.

And again...this is HOMESTAR RUNNER, dammit. I just can't associate it with this kinda stuff. x.x;

(Edit: I just read through the entire story as opposed to skimming it over. My brain now BLEEDS. Dammit, this stuff just DOES NOT WORK IN HSR. *twitch*)

Monday, March 29th, 2004
11:43 pm
Despite being very well-written and realistic, with the intent of being sorta sweet...this squicked the hell out of me.

Maybe I'm a wuss, but I never got into the whole cannibalism thing. >.>;;;

Current Mood: *shudder*
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